(Warning, this is an adult topic!) Have you ever received the advice to “fluff” yourself? It’s along the lines of the maxim “If you want to love another person, you have to love yourself first.” The same can be said of truly good sex. If you want good sex, you have to know what pleases you. This advice to learn what turns one on is relatively new. For a very long time (centuries?) women were shamed for enjoying sex. Then came the liberating 60’s and 70’s. Fast forward to this century when major religions have let up on their negative stance toward masturbation and teen magazines encourage young women by telling them it’s healthy. In a sense, fulfilling your own desires is empowering, but so many women still have not yet learned this.
Last Fall I ran a 21 Day Adventure Challenge. Day 15 was “Fluff Yourself” to encourage the women in the group to find what pleasures they enjoy. The inspiration for this idea originally came from a self-help guru, Mama Gena. She is all about women empowering themselves through their self “turn on” and living a life based on what’s best for each woman, using their pussy GPS (for more on this, check out her book “Pussy, a Reclamation”). It is still common for many women to be givers (our nurturing instinct in overdrive) which often continues into the bedroom. The cultural hangover of pleasing the partner over ourselves is slowly changing. By making it an adventure, I hope to be a part of this cultural shift! Adventures come large and small, are about learning new things and curiosity. I definitely think this fits the bill.
Self love first
Have you seen the new series “Sex Education” on Netflix? It’s a fun series about high school life in the English countryside, with the twist that one young man becomes the students’ “sex therapist.” We binged watched the first season (very entertaining!) and there was a scene that reminded me that women still have far to go for equality in certain areas… (This is from episode 6, so spoiler alert).
Aimee: I don’t know what I want. No one’s ever asked me that before. Steve says his “thing” is girls properly enjoying sex.
Otis: Well, you should probably think about, you know, things you enjoy when it’s just you. Alone.
Aimee: Ewww. I don’t do that. Yuck!
Otis: Well, women do tend to feel more shame surrounding masturbation than men. Feeling that it’s…it’s sort of taboo, or dirty. (Looks up) Which it isn’t!
Otis: But before you speak to Steve, you should probably figure out, you know, what works for you and your body.
Aimee: So you’re prescribing a wank?
I don’t want to spoil this much more, but let’s just say Aimee follows the advice and is very happy. This positive message is healthy for more than just young women. It’s good for all women who have felt shame around their own pleasure. It could even be a fear of allowing their own desires to bubble up to the surface. If a woman feels good and good about herself, she is more likely to be able to give more to others. She can become empowered to live her life more fully. Letting go, in these certain ways, can be scary – yet the outcome is…so happy! That, to me, is the best ending to an adventure. Are you up for this “Fluff Yourself” Challenge?
Want some expert advice? Here are some articles from popular consumer magazines to get you started:
Feeling daring enough to leave a comment about this “taboo” topic? Or how finding your pleasure has led you to other adventures? Leave comments below!
I truly advise all women to try sensitive tantric massage and Yoni. It’s a wonderful trip.
Good to have advice from other readers! I appreciate this – and I hope people take you up on giving this adventure a try!